Mira Bites Back



After Jita finished writing that embarrassing book, she had the nerve to ask me to rate restaurants. That's her way of kissing up.

So I'm getting her back by writing the first one about Quiznos. That's right, a sub joint, hahahaha!

Mind you, if you think that's not a restaurant, think again. We New Yorkers take our subs very seriously. It better be giganormous and put you into a food coma or it isn't a sub.

So let's take a look at Quiznos:

We went on a Friday evening, around 5 pm. First off, the restaurant, fast food joint, whatever, was dead. D.E.A.D. Not even a dustball rolling across the empty wasteland could be seen.

In fact, there was no one behind the counter either. I considerately yelled "YO!" and the server emerged from a private TV room in the back. I don't know what he was watching but I made sure he used gloves to make my sub.

He asked me if I wanted to try the Torpedo. I looked at the picture and said if I eat that, it's going to skewer me out the other end. I mean, have you seen those things? I ended up ordering a Veggie on a 6" white bun. Nice touch having sesame seeds on the white bread. Kind of like a redneck with class.

I asked for peppercorn dressing instead of the vinaigrette. My (cheap) date ordered the flatbread pizza. Big mistake. Don't waste your money on this. It's flat. It's bread. With day-glo sausage slices pretending to be pepperoni and 6 shreds of cheese that congealed even as we were paying.

Now my sub, on the other hand, was frickin' good. The peppercorn dressing had just the right bite without being spicy. And they didn't cheap out on the veggies either. It was loaded with guacamole, olives, onions, tomatoes, lettuce and pickles. And the lettuce was actually green. This is not a wimpy veggie sandwich. Buy it.

Until next month, this is Mira Bites Back. Over and out.

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